the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
