we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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