hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
