She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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