Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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