Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
