I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
