I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
