sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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