So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize