porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
