He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
