I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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