i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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