Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
