i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
