I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
