I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
