that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
