he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
