i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
