You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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