You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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