Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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