Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
