just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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