Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
