This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
