I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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