If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How external is "for external use only"?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
