another moral hangover. fuck.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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