I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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