I wish you could order shots online.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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