I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
