We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
