woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
