And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
