I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
