I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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