She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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