Im at strip club and am horny
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
