I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
