yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
