I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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