508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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