I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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