i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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