hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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