as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
