K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
