loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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