Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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