I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
