Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
