life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
