Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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