I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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