3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
