so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
