Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
