I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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