Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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