u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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